Just call me Reverend

I’ve been ordained. It’s free, it’s easy, it’s quick. Just go to The Universal Life Church Monastery and with a few clicks of the mouse, you can be ordained too. Once ordained, there’s a range of impressive-looking products to help you perform your ministerial duties, including certificates from $10.50, to a ministry-in-a-box for $139.99. They don’t seem to sell dog collars, but maybe I can just make one from some white plastic. Bless you all.